JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize