I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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