Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Barsexuality is the new black.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
