That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Randomize
