I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
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