Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
How's work?
Spinning.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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