3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
