I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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