if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
