when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
