Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
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My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
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We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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