You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
