I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
