i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
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