She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
