Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
