Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Randomize
