So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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