Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I need to align my fucking chakras
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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