"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
