An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
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