You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize
