So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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