I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
