We won't sleep together?
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize
