Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
last night I used snow as a chaser
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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