She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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