So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
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