You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Randomize
