He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
