ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
