I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
