I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Randomize
