Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
