i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
