i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
