When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
