I accidentally had phone sex last night
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
