Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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