the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
