You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Randomize
