the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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