yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
