Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
