I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
