Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
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