is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
