I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Randomize
