The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
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