1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
