If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
