so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
