there's paper in my vomit.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Randomize
