I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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