I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
