He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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