You smell like stripper and shame
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Randomize
