ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
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