I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Randomize
