You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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