you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Randomize
