My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I just gift wrapped bread.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Randomize
