so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
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